Loneliness

It has been an eventful week, both personally and politically.

Last weekend we were supposed to go to our cabin for a few days. It’s a long drive; we were going to take the cats. I was having misgivings about the trip, worrying that we would get sick, or get stuck there because of a lock down, but I didn’t want to stay home alone. I woke up with a sore throat and sinus pain. Under normal circumstances I would have ignored it. I took extra zinc and D3, and we packed up two of the cats and left (the neighbor was going to take care of the other two). As we drove I was feeling worse. I was afraid to be sick at the cabin. I did not want to be the person to bring COVID to Custer County. So almost an hour in, we turned around and came home. I felt better that evening, and the next day, DH left, planning to return on Thursday.

Meanwhile, our youngest daughter was also traveling towards our cabin. She was rendered jobless and homeless when her AmeriCorps program ended early. In order to come home, she needed to isolate for two weeks because she had been around someone who was symptomatic and she also was sick with a respiratory illness. The plan was to get everything ready for her, overlap by one night, staying 6 feet apart and in different buildings, then leave.

But without me there to be the infection control officer, wires got crossed and the daughter and DH ended up staying in the cabin at the same time. And the governor issued a stay at home order. So now DH is there in isolation with daughter for two weeks and I’m home alone. Daughter is much better. Husband is not sick.

I had some rough moments Thursday when I realized that I would have two weeks by myself.

During this small but wrenching personal crisis, the guy in the Oval Office began to make concerning noises. He began to float the concept of “opening America up” before Easter, pandering to his religious base by talking about how beautiful it would be to see the churches full on Easter (he’s such a phony). He also floated the idea that the elderly and disabled should sacrifice themselves for the good of the economy. This was echoed by the lieutenant governor of Texas who claims to be ready to die for the sake sake of the US economy. I suspect that his tune would change if he becomes ill. A megachurch in Louisiana continues to hold Sunday services for upwards of 1,000 worshipers, despite orders from the governor that prohibit gatherings larger than ten. Hospital policies that would deny resuscitation to ventilated patients who arrest, and deny treatment to COVID patients who have pre-existing terminal illnesses, people like ME, were widely disseminated on my social media.

This was the week we were supposed to have been on an epic road trip: Cubs’ Spring Training, birding in Arizona at the Grand Canyon, spending the oldest daughter’s 30th anniversary with a spa day at Snowbird. It was a bucket list trip for me. But we are all in the same boat. Everyone is sacrificing. It could be worse. It will be worse.

Congress passed, and the occupier of the White House, signed, a relief bill that will put needed cash in the pockets of Americans. I actually found myself in agreement with the orange one, that Rep. Thomas Massie, R-Kentucky, was almost criminal in his refusal to vote for the bill, being the lone dissenter in an otherwise historically unanimous bill. It was offensive because his no vote caused members of congress to have to fly back to D.C. to vote. Fortunately a quorum of representatives was able to overrule him, and the bill passed. It was signed into law the same day.

I have focused on keeping my space tidy, eating real food, getting daily exercise, and doing something productive and intellectually stimulating every day. I talk to my mother, my kids, Ken and usually a friend or two every day. I hosted a Zoom cocktail party. I refuse to wallow in despair. I will be a decent human being.

I also find that I can’t drink every night. it’s not good for my weight, my mood or my cancer. So I will devote the recipe part of these posts to something other than alcohol for at least some entries. But I created a nice cocktail for my Zoom party, and I will share it with you.

Masala Cocktail

Make a cardamom/ginger infusion: Put two tablespoons of cardamom pods in a cup of water and bring to a boil. Add two slices of fresh ginger, or 1/2 tsp dried. Let steep for 30 minutes.

Strain the infusion, measure the liquid and return it to the pot with an equal amount of sugar. Bring it to a boil and boil until the sugar is dissolved. This is a flavored simple syrup.

In a container with ice, put two ounces of gin – I use a saffron flavored gin from Gabriel Boudier, but you can use whatever you have.

Add 1-2 tbsp of the cooled simple syrup and stir to combine.

Add 1 tbsp of St. Germaine.

Pour over three ice cubes in a tall glass. Try not to drink it too fast.